As a Westerner arriving in the Philippines, many of us push forward ,seeking to normalize our new lives and as such we may seek to arrange appointments for various things, with the understanding that “time” is valuable and punctuality is the polite and proper way to behave.
Before too long we become irritated when our wives or girlfriends make us late for an agreed upon appointment. We watch her getting ready mystified as to why she won't speed it up because we are LATE!. When you urge her to "please hurry" she brushes you off saying “its ok.”
What?, you think....
Its ok?
How can it be ok if we are late, you think shaking your head. ;
Its hard to understand why she will not make an effort to hurry. Isn't it?
Being late and not caring is just wrong ... Chalk up some confusion, right?
You may need to make an appointment with a doctor but as you ask, or have your wife ask, you are told “they don’t take appointments just go in between this time and this time.. “
What??
The doctor won’t take appointments? "That’s crazy," ur thinking
But sure enough you go in and you just pick a number and wait..and wait..and wait…
Wouldn’t it be more efficient to just make an appointment, you say? Careful , you don't want to appear as though you complain about everything but gee this doesn’t seem right.
You may need to bring your vehicle in for repair only to find that, like the doctor, you can’t make an appointment for this either.
Now you may be starting to feel some anxiety simply because this kind of thing just doesn’t make sense.
Stuff starts to add up...People are tell you that they will meet you at 2 O'clock and may not arrive until 3 or 4 .Your wife wouldn’t move if her hair was on fire and almost nobody makes appointments..
About the time you are ready to pull out your hair, if you have any left, you find that this phenomena actually has a name; “Filipino Time.” Which really means that time has no relevance or value. As opposed to the values we grew up with such as ;
Being on time to appointments and meetings. Punctuality is self-discipline and evidence of self-respect;
Or punctuality is just courteous, polite or the adult thing to do.
Arriving late is a way of saying that your own time is more valuable than the time of the person who waited for you.
People who just walk in late are then insulting.. Right?
Soo what the hell is going on here, you think in your profoundly,confused way.. You may try to laugh it off but inside your guts might be grinding..
This is so confusing and stupid and rude and inefficient. You begin this huge argument with yourself and others who might listen only to find that almost everyone goes through the same thing.
This is but one element that contributes to “culture shock”. The futility of it all, the confusion combined with adjusting on many other levels may contribute to feelings of helplessness, unhappiness and depression over time.
Feeling some of these feelings it is not because you are weak, it is that you are going through and adjustment of your own.
This point of “valuing time” is a conflict of value systems. It can be very profound and may be a bigger deal that some folks think; It’s a consistent source of aggravation.
Accepting this as a difference requires some flexibility on your part but try for the good of your psyche; Choose to adhere to your values when it is within your control to do so. That is the very best you can do.
Your not crazy but it does require an adjustment. Don’t forget ;the only person you can really control is yourself.
Good luck, God bless and may the force be with you.
We quickly learn that time has little relevance or value in the Philippines.